CT's Reaction Notes (T1.2: Digi-Noobs Unite)

Main episode: T1.2: “Digi-Noobs Unite”


EPISODE ONE

An egg. An egg was the big imagery from The Anthem of the Heart. I wonder when that's coming to Blu-Ray. I'm pretty sure I want to watch The Anthem of the Heart than this.

I guess eggs mean something to digimons even though there are some obvious digimammals among them.

Demiurrrrge... demi...glaze?

OMG TURN OFF YOUR ALARM

That is a stupid phone. Flip phone with an upper screen that doesn't match?

Dream Flashbacks that don't seem to be much of anything. End of Adventure2? Premonitions?

Theme's kinda meh. Can't tell anyone but the main character in it.

Taichi. Hikari. (Kinda boring design.) I want to try a Strawberry Choco Bomber Crash seasonal Hyper Tropical Espresso

MUST... PLAN... CAREER (Apparently career where he wants to hang with his friends. Many careers like that.)

Everyone still has fucking flipphones WHAT YEAR IS THIS

Tiny, tiny sensei. Tiny inky sensei.

Bad, bad CG. STOP LOOKING CONFUSINGLY AT YOUR STUPID FLIP PHONE

Mimi has dangerous levels of spare capital. Also nice shoes and toes.

Takeru-kun is a babe magnet, says Hikari.

Bad CG flyby. BUT AT LEAST IT IS DIGITAL

study study study study

HAVE NOT YET SEEN ONE NON-FLIPPHONE ARGH. How do the Japanese flipping type well on these things?

You get there early if you arrive at 7:77 o'clock. Sora apparently must visit everyone's events!

"It starts with communications in the digital realm?" That is... meaningless.

KNIFE OF DAY

Must be using Windows for his keyboard to glitch out like that.

Taichi gets a buzz-by for no reason. ACTION! (Kuwagamon)

STOP USING FUCKING FLIPPHONES, YOU'RE FUCKING DIGIDESTINED

This ending was super-exciting


EPISODE TWO

The new characters seem to all have at least some more interesting design than the original cast.

That Otawarerumono thing has sharp bugwings

OH MY GOD CULTURED MULTILINGUAL DUDE HAS A BLACKBERRY

I guess it's supposed to only be 2005, but this is killing me. Can't they at least PRETEND access to the digital world would have made iPhones sooner?

Crashy crashy bug bashy, got really big all of a sudden

Digi-watch. What does it mean? Why does he carry it around? Can it even do a thing anymore? Why stare at a broken bridge?

OH NO BROKEN FLIPPHONES

All this destruction! Where no people are shown hurt! It makes me so angry!

At last, Gon shows up! Oh wait, Agumon.

Why apparently no communication before now? What's the point of showing up in teeny form if you can just evolve right away OH RIGHT NEED CUTSCENE

GREYMON BASH

And now I want to play Primal Rage

Tail spinny into digidoor. They just porting around everywhichway.

"How can I get to Haneda, my bike got smished."

This music largely sucks. Airport exciting battle pokey pokey music, doopitty-doo.

WE'RE COUNTING ON YOU, DIGIDESTINED

Everyone's there cuz why not, they're all just pissing about non-evolved while Greymon is getting bitchslapped, sure.

Fuck Mimi and Jo, those losers!

That's fine, just fuck around while Kugagagagagamono is summoning friends, and Greymon got devolved.

Gotta show a whole new set of evolutions, I guess. Also, why do they all have different names at evolutions? Agumon again? I mean Taichi's talking to the same entity. It's like calling me a different name when I start driving my car and wearing a jacket.

BIRDRAMON (The most imaginative name.)

Is the music playing during all this from the original seriesess?

COLLATERAL DAMAGEMON

Patamon evolves into WTF IS ANGEMON?

For a second Palmon made me think of Aligura (Kekkai Sensen) and I got excited, but no.

Why does the little kitty gloves thing not bother evolving? Is it Jo's? Gatomon. Wait that's Hikari's, and she's there.

Uh... Giant Robofist crush through digiportal.

How come Mimi came back from America without a giant pink cowboy hat? How are we supposed to recognize her?


EPISODE TREE

Dark scenes are pretty indistinct.

OTP is obviously Mimi and Koushiro

Digicreature standing from afar, qtf is it who knows?

Poor Jo gotta ignore airport attacking creatures, study study. Gomamon set you right.

"Miraculously no one was seriously injured by huge swaths of destruction, I'm sure those planes on the tarmac were completely empty for some reason also Taichi got really, REALLY concerned about that walkway."

I hope those mean creatures never come back, they were scary! ...is all witnesses had to say. Not, like, "HOLY FUCK KAIJU ATTACKS"

Obviously Yagamimama used to these things.

Taichi's brow furrs in consternation.

New character. Run away! Other students you go to school with! So embarrassing!

"I heard your soccer game was postponed due to kaiju attack, that sucks dude."

STOP SHOWING ME YOUR FLIP PHONES ALL THE GODDAMN TIME WHEN YOU'RE NOT EVEN DOING ANYTHING WITH THEM NOW YOU'RE JUST TAUNTING ME

"Two monsters showed up and had a wild fight." "It's for real irritating. I hope they all just hurry up and die." I sure hope Yamato Ishida was getting angry at them not for wishing ill upon their digimon, but having THE COMPLETE WRONG FUCKING REACTION TO KAIJI ATTACKS

Let's all meet up to discuss the news. The news which means nothing to us, because we all know more than the news.

OTP is obviously Mimi and Jo

There was poor reception for our FUCKING FLIP PHONES NO LOSS THERE

TIL: Good Digimons evolve to become stronger. Bad digimons "mutate" to become stronger. EVOLUTION IS DRIVEN BY MUTATION

Something happen with the audio, or did everyone start ignoring Koushiro to have their own conversations?

KOUSHIRO WTF STILL TALKING WHILE TAICHI AND YAMATO ARE CHESTBUMPING

"They're whipping up attention by using scare tactics to DESCRIBE KAIJU FROM NOWHERE CAUSING MASSIVE DESCRTUCTION AT A PUBLIC AIRPORT AND OTHER PLACES" Fucking media.

"Some of the reporting is true?" So balanced, Taichi. Some of the reporting about KAIJU ATTACKS FROM NOWHERE CAUSING HORRIBLE DESTRUCTION "I saw the site, so..." The damage to that walkway haunts me to this day.

"It's wrong to blame our digimon friends" that the world knows nothing about, and are huge monsters? "Have you forgotten all the things in the digital world" that the regular world knows nothing about? Yamato you are making no sense, shut up. "If you are so vulnerable?" WTF DOES THIS EVEN

WTF KOUSHIRO WAS ACTUALLY STILL TALKING THE WHOLE TIME?!! A) Why is he so idiot? B) Why is everyone else so rude? "Whatever, just ignore the nerd like usual. The important characters are ego-bumping."

Younger siblings. Always the stable ones.

So we should get a bite to eat and talk about the world under attacJO, YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?!!????!!!?!?!?!???????????????

OTP is obviously Mimi and Jo's kanojo. Also apparently this is what it takes to snap Koushiro out of his reverie

"I'm the oldest so I have the right to be happy!" Happiness is a warm girlfriend. They all believe him.

"Your friends are funny looking." That's right, bring your tiny creatures around in a town following kaiju attacks, no one will notice.

OTP is obviously Mimi and okonomiyaki. Those spatula forks are so weird.

Sora: "Hey, isn't that the new transfer girl? Don't mind me, I'm just going to, like, follow her home or something. No stalker."

Taichi and Yamato are no longer angry and find tiny teacher-kun. It's fine, kids that age always calm down so quickly.

Oh good, they're not "mutations" just "infected" since they're not palling around with the DigiDestined

"You even know our secret," Yamato says, revealing that he knows the world doesn't know or understand about digimon yet he expects them to know the complexities of a GIANT KAIJU DINOSAUR AND A GIANT BUG THING FIGHTING EACH OTHER AT AN AIRPORT The world DOES have Godzilla movies, dude.

Mysterious Gennai-san. I'm sure he won't show up later.

"If more powerful digital monsters show up we may need your help again, can we call you on your flip phones if that happens?"

Hey if the digital portals are all weird these days, how come Agumon and the others don't know WTF is going on with them, while happily using them to come back and pal around with their meatbuddies?

That's right, secret agency made up of secret agents, don't bother monitoring the walk-in dude who described crazy things which turned out to be true

Koushiro was clothes-shopping online way before it was cool.

OTP is obviously still Koushiro and Mimi. Better develop a taste for okonomiyaki. "I never thought you'd develop a taste for fashionable clothes STUPID NERD EVERYONE WAS IGNORING IN THE SCENE WHEN YOU WERE DESCRIBING DANGER TO THE WORLD"

Yamato: "I wonder if we'll all change." Taichi: "Yamato hasn't changed." FUCKING DEEP THOUGHTS

"I've destroyed so much without knowing it. People too. I've destroyed their flip phones. Maybe I'll kill someone someday. But for now I will lament that walkway and their flip phones."

Taichi, you make no sense, shut up.

OTP is obviously Mimi and Palmon

"Koushiro show them what you have made, so they can have a side-conversation not involving you again."

Older siblings. So useless. You show him how to use his flip phone, Hikari.

So Koushiro is the only useful one here. Therefore Taichi is the main character cuz he's braver or something, and things deep, illogical thoughts.

LOOK AT THE TIME. TIME FOR THIS EPISODE TO END FOR SOME REASON

Why did CR even bother splitting into episodes with no logical structure? I guess children can't handle movies.


EPISODE FOAR

New goggles for Taichi, FINALLY! Now it's a show!

Theoretically you should be able to see the distortions in space that were totally visible to us before, and you saw at the airport with that giant fist

So Koushiro really IS the only useful one, therefore Taichi gets the important device and no one else.

Meiko's apparently the one staling them, I guess. I'm sure she's not DigiDestined or anything.

Heights changing weirdly from scene to scene.

DUMB-LOOKING BADDIE REVEAL THROUGH DIGIPORTAL WHATEVERS. I guess at least he has a cool cape. I'm sure Gennai won't be involved in any fashion.

Hi it's me Yamato, just talking my monster out for a walk. Gabumon totally looks lie a puppy.

OTP is obviously Mimi and Koushiro-Sora-Hikari-Takeru

"Still hanging up? That's not like you. Not like you used to be. You used to be so casual about mass destruction."

"That's right, I'm not like I was. When I used to care nothing for walkways and flip phones."

"Now I see more and understand less." FUCKING MROE DEEPS, MAN

"I'm not sure if what we're doing is right. You know, trying to stop monster rampages causing massive destruction. I'm not sure if that's right." "maybe we're doing wrong" YES YOU ARE DOING WRONG BY NOT MAKING ANY FUCKING SENSE YOU DID NOT SUMMON THE GODDAMN KARAGEMON THAT'S DESTROYING DOWNTOWNS

"I know only we can do it. But it's not that simple. We might accidentally harm a flip phone while trying to prevent crazy-agressive digimon from killing people"

"That's just running away. From logic."

"What are those two talking about? I'm sure it makes no goddamn sense."

Well THAT ain't no red string of fate. It's a DigiDistortion of massive scale! Someone call Egon Spengler!

"An abnormal climatic event is centered on Odaiba" I AM SORRY NO ONE WOULD EVER SAY THIS IT LOOKS LIKE A FUCKING STORM YOU DONT EVACUATE DUE TO RAINSTORMS Unless maybe this is that Agency woman who knows better.

Dammit even the background noise is Ghostbustery

Hey look at all that completely visible digital events that you totally need goggles to see

ESCAFLOWNE ATTACKS

It's Alphamon. I can tell by the cape fringe.

Good thing the digital disruptions that disrupt wireless networks totally aren't disrupting your laptop wifi so you can summon your digicritters through it

Mei-chan! It's OK. You're safe now, because we're hugging in front of this towering mecha underneath this swirling storm. That's shooting at us.

Taichi and Yamato charge in, with no protection and nothing to do, because their only usefulness comes from their digifriends who aren't there.

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST TAICHI IF YOU FLASHBACK TO PARTIALLY DAMAGED WALKWAYS AND A FLIP PHONE ONE MORE FUCKING TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!

"What are you doing Taichi?! Charge in like me, who can't do anything! COME DO NOTHING WITH ME!!!"

Wait suddenly Meiko is in the middle of the opening again even though she was blasted way back, shielded only because of her digicritter, somehow not doing anything now SHE WAS BLASTED BEHIND YOU HOW CAN YOU CHARGE FORWARD TOWARDS THE TOWERING MECH TO SAVE HER I guess she's supposed to exist now for Yamato to be involved with, so there is no more confusion for the OTP of Sora and Mimi. Cuz who would care about Taichi? He only cares about walkways and flip phones.

Yes Yamato keep running around with Meiko who was RIGHT NEXT TO THE FUCKING EXIT DOORS TWO SCENES AGO

"Gabumon...?" I shall act quizzically about a situation we've probably been through a hundred fucking times before, where I evolve you and we fight the DigiDangerous

Seriously, Birdramon? Who the fuck thought that up?

SECOND STRING DIGIDESTINEDMON GET PWNED QUICKLY SO THAT EITHER YAMATO OR TAICHI CAN FIGHT CORRECTLY

Omegamon? Is this already a thing? Can these shmucks Voltron?

OTP is obviously Mimi and unimaginative-Cactaur-ripoff I MEAN TOGEMON

JESUS FUCKING SECOND CHRIST WHY IS GATOMON STILL NOT BOTHERING TO EVOLVE also why did they lean into Spanish for its name?

Taichi: "What should I do?" I DONT FUCKING KNOW TWERP ARENT YOUR FRIENDS GOING TO GET KILLED BY THIS THING WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU FLIP PHONES ARE NOT THAT IMPORTANT YOU JUST FUCKING FLASHBACKED TO SO MANY PARTIALLY DESTROYED WALKWAYS AND THAT FLIP PHONE AGAIN TAICHI THATS IT I AM DONE WITH YOU

WHY HAVE YOU ASSHOLES NOT ALREADY EVOLVED EVERYONE

For some reason all these idiots are trash before Escaflownemon, but once Taichi regains some intestinal fortitude and evolves his digicritter that lost last time to a bug it'll be all right

"If you won't do anything you're just running away!" THIS is the fucking drama hook here? Something a six year-old would eyeroll at?

Yamato and Taichi pulled close... Now kiss.

"Only we can save them!" THOSE are triggering words for you, Taichi? YOU SAID THOSE SAME FUCKING WORDS ON THE FERRIS WHEEL THAT JUST GOT DESTROYED BY RAMPAGING ESCAFLOWNEMON

So many fiercely-wiggling eyebrows.

I CAN ONLY FLASH BACK SO MANY TIMES TO PARTIALLY DAMAGED WALKWAYS AND FLIP PHONES BEFORE REMEMBERING I HELD HANDS WITH MY FRIEND SIX YEARS AGO AND NOW CAN FIGHT

Friendship is Magic.

Eyes of steel. Now I have resolved my inner fear of damaging flip phones and my perilous illogic to save the city from massive death and destruction only we can stop.

I hope this music is referencing classic stuff, or again it's high action with a very meh-designed theme.

OH MY FUCKING GOD YOU CAN FUCKING VOLTRON PROBABLY INSTAKILL WITH BLAZING SWORD AS WELL AND YOU DO THE SAME STUPID SHIT AS VOLTRON AND FIGHT WITHOUT ANY DRAMA IN YOUR WUSSYFORMS FOR TEN FUCKING MINUTES

Is this an everyone thing or just a Taichi and Yamato thing, hence the stupid-ass drama keeping them from working together before now?

"The Alphamon and the Omegamon" there are not enough groans

Sure whips up a lot of wind. Good thing you're not wearing goggles. Also somehow is not damaging any walkways and flip phones, but is just making you link arms. You sure were concerned for good reason.

Oh, well I guess that ferris wheel is full on fucked, so there's that.

I hate Taichi and his flashbacks so much. SOOOOOOOO MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCH

I'm sure they will have learned from this and next time will just summon Omegamon right away when the massively dangerous thing shows up. I'm sure.

Dude, they devolved into decapitated head things. All sleepy after firing the big blast. Have they been hiding euphemisms for sex in the show this whole time?

"Hi, I'm Meiko. And this is Meicoomon. No relation."

WHY ARE YOU SURPRISED THIS IS A PARTNERED DIGIMON SHE IS FUCKING HOLDING A DIGIMON PRECIOUSLY LIKE ALL THE REST OF YOU SHITS ARE

Safety is hugging.

HAHA THAT'S RIGHT BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT YOUR DIALECT. LET'S GO TO CREDITS ON THAT POIGNANT NOTE.

Obviously some aftercredits this time. TinyAgentTeacherSensei looks at a screen. Taichi and Yamato survey destruction and share stupid words.

Taichi is stupid.

Fuck Taichi.

...

The End.